my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
