matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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