I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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