Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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