I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
