My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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