I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize