It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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