my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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