I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
