If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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