you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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