3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
