i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
