not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize