So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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