first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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