how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
