just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
