I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
