people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
