ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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