Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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