Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
