There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
