ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
