I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
