and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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