Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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