Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize