return my video game
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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