i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
