Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
