My pussy is not your playground.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
