She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
