you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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