The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
