the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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