No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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