I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
