if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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