Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
