Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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