party gras won. party gras always wins.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
