we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
