You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
