so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
