it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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