Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
