For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
