Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
