The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize