i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
