I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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