before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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