I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
