I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
