Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
