Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
