He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
