Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
