Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
